In this day and age, we have all had our moments of naiveté in the dating world. It could have been that two-timing bastard who shattered your heart in a million tiny pieces. Or dudes, maybe it was that 5 star chick you thought was your “ride or die”, but in actuality she was really a gold digger looking for her next meal ticket. We aren’t exactly sure when or where it happened, but somewhere along the way we became jaded.

Don’t worry  folks …..it happens to the best of us. Everyone plays the fool at LEAST once in their lives. Some people are even slower and become serial offenders at choosing the wrong mate. When you look at your current pool of friends, you will more than likely see a common  thread of similar experiences that you and your circle may have encountered . We, as humans, are typically under the impression that our own personal experiences are the best teachers. What we fell to realize is that we don’t have to necessarily go through heartbreak to figure out its not so great. We can learn from the mistakes of those around us to help us make better decisions for ourselves.

In all truth, whether we choose to accept it or not, much of our dating disappointments stem from our own careless decision making.We sit around being oblivious to the writings on the wall when it is as PLAIN AS DAY…..We walk around jaded and scarred, carrying bags full of anger and disappointment after FINALLY putting two and two together to discover that the man/woman you had been involved with for the past few month is married with 2 kids! Even better, after playing a game of Sherlock Holmes, you discover that the guy you have been dating (with multiple baby mamas and children under 5) is not JUST interested in having a relationship with the baby’s mother for the sheer sake of the kids, but in fact they are still getting it “IN” on the regular. Crushing blow to the ego right? Well hell that’s life and what happens when you aren’t paying attention, or when people specifically go out of their way to deceive you…..Either way it’s a learning lesson designed to improve you and eliminate error for the next trip on the Love Express. Yea you may be hurt beyond belief  right now, shunning the possibility of ever sharing your heart again, but cheer up Charlie, the universe is preparing you for something even better. You needed that experience to help you connect the dots…

3 Ways to gauge if your current dating prospect is a complete waste of time, or a worthy investment for future:

1. IS THE PERSON YOU’RE INVOLVED WITH ACCESSIBLE? 

Now this is NOT to say that every time you call or hit your love interest up that they will be available and at your disposal. Of course not. People have jobs and obligations that they must complete on a daily basis. The question is, does the person you are dating make time for you? If this person is constantly complaining about how limited their time is, and is hard pressed to fit you into their busy schedule, that is definitely a RED FLAG. People ALWAYS make and find time for the things they WANT to do. Don’t let anyone lead you on wild goose chase, and have you believing otherwise.  Also, be observant of time gaps. Are there consistent unexplained time gaps when your love interest is out-of-pocket? I’m not saying be paranoid, just don’t be oblivious, and pay attention to the signs when it comes to weeding out the real from the fake.

2. ARE THEIR WORDS AND ACTIONS CONSISTENT WITH THE MESSAGE YOU ARE RECEIVING FROM THEM?

I am a firm believer that actions illustrate so much more for the casual observer than words ever will. People talk a great game. Hell some people lie as easily as they speak, and speak just to hear themselves talk. Peep game and understand how to recognize the counterfeit when you see it. Are they backing the “talk” up through action is the question?? This is the true test of how you are able to determine if people value their word, or YOU for that matter. If the person’s actions  do not match what they are saying, this is a DEFINITE RED FLAG. When words and actions don’t match up a major character flaw in a person is revealed. Understand that when you deal with types that don’t stand by their word, the BS barometer and  drama factor in your life will always be off the charts. Cut those ties loose. Place a higher value on your time as well as worth, and don’t ever put yourself in position to accept less.

3. HOW DOES THE PERSON MAKE YOU FEEL?

Do you stay in the midst of  drama? Is the person you are involved with constantly taking you through changes, and making you feel less than? This is an UNEQUIVOCAL RED FLAG. Somewhere down the line people have begun misinterpreting what a relationship actually is. The biggest mistake that most people fall prey to is the belief that we enter into relationships to feel “completed” or “whole”. A healthy relationship is one that ENHANCES your life as well as your person’s. Relationships are not designed to complete you. With that being said, you have to recognize  and be alert to the toxins people are prepared to bring into your life if you let them. If a situation is not beneficial or adding to your betterment, what are you still doing there? Wasting time? Allowing your self-esteem to take a hit? People, you can do bad all by YOURSELF. Don’t take on added drama in your life to accommodate a SPACE FILLER that will most likely not be around for the long haul. If you never have to second guess your love interest, they make you feel loved or comfortable in your own skin, and they demonstrate through action just how special you are, its safe to say you got yourself a winner.